After the birth of my first daughter I had no clue about the postpartum period. I mean, I had heard some things from friends, like the fact that I might bleed…down there….! Also, I heard that I would need breast pads, but other than that I really had no idea what it would be like. I think it’s just one of those things that you have to experience before you really get it.
My mom passed away before I got married, so I really didn’t have anyone who could share their experiences with me and help me through pregnancy and after. Whether it is their first child or their fifth, mothers need help from a relative or a trusted friend. New moms, especially, need a woman with experience to support them. Someone who has navigated the turbulent waters of the postpartum period and survived. Someone to say that it will be OK, that they are not going crazy, and give them some advice without judgment.
I remember coming home from the hospital, already sleep-deprived, very sore from stitches and feeling overwhelmed. Of course I was overjoyed, and a little bit in shock that I had my own baby to take care of. I was a mother. It did not seem real. Yet, I did not have much time to reflect on this major life change, because I was busy figuring out how to put a onesie on, how to calm a screaming baby, how to change a diaper, how to survive on a few scattered hours of sleep, when to put her down 
for naps, whether I should follow the schedule in the baby book I read, and so on. It was quite an exhausting time. The last thing that I considered, though, was nurturing myself.
During my stay in the hospital, the nurses checked in very frequently and wanted to know exactly what time I had last breastfed the baby, and how long she had fed. Although she didn’t have any problems latching on or with breastfeeding in general, and my milk supply was great, they convinced me that keeping a detailed log was a necessity. So after coming home, I thought that I still needed to time and record each breastfeeding session to ensure that my baby was getting enough milk.
Doing this made me even more stressed out and neurotic! Many times I would be up at 2:00AM, in a dimly lit room, feeding the baby and trying to record the time and length of the session. Following the advice I had been given, I tried to ensure that the baby should be feeding for at least 15 minutes on each side, and if it did not happen that way I would worry and try to coax her to eat more. Looking back now as a seasoned breastfeeding mom, I wish that someone had told me how unnecessary this was. However, I didn’t know any better.
On top of the breastfeeding stress, I also had a minor tear during labor and received a few stitches. I was told that the stitches would fall out within a week or two. Yet, something seemed wrong to me, because I was really sore well after the two week time frame. Something didn’t feel right, so I called the midwife who had helped me to deliver my baby, and explained the situation. Without any empathy, she scolded me, saying that what I was feeling was normal and did not ask me to come in. So, I suffered through it.
At my six week check up, although I was still in pain, I was told that everything was fine. The pain continued for months after I had given birth. I called the midwife several times, and received no understanding or kindness, but was basically told that how I felt was normal. How could I take care of my new baby and enjoy her, when I was in pain and discomfort?I was very distressed.
During one phone call to the birth center, I was told that if there was a problem, and things were not healing properly, they may need to perform surgery to reopen the tear and let it heal again. I was horrified! All this for a 1st degree tear that was supposed to heal in no time?
After a lot of persistence on my part, I was checked for a second time. I was told that there was some scar tissue, which had formed during the healing process, and it may be the cause of my discomfort. So this extremely sensitive area was cauterized with silver nitrate, a chemical compound that caused a painful burning sensation. Yet, after all of this, nothing improved.
Finally I was referred to the OB/GYN Doctor who worked with the midwives in this practice. He took one look at me, and said “Oh, the stitches never dissolved like they were supposed to.” So he pulled them out. After that, I healed in no time. In hindsight, I should have asked to see him right away, but again, I didn’t know.
Another shocking experience as a new mother, was waking up in the middle of the night soaked. This happened when my milk came in, and I felt like a human fountain spraying everywhere, and also because of hormonal fluctuations which caused me to sweat. Changing the bedding in the middle of the night was yet another task added to my already full plate. I quickly learned to put some towels down on the bed, so the sheets do not get soaked.
Now that I have gone through the postpartum period three times, there is so much that I wish I had known.
I wish I knew what a gift it is to have one baby who takes multiple naps and no other children to worry about. I didn’t appreciate this enough – – but then, I didn’t know that I should.
I wish someone had told me that I was doing great, and to throw away the silly breastfeeding logs that were driving me nuts.
I wish I had listened to my intuition about the stitches not healing and demanded to be seen immediately, instead of allowing it to drag on for months and months.
I wish I relaxed a little more, and spent time nurturing myself instead of trying to jump right back into doing household tasks.
I wish I knew about the importance of nutrition during this time, and that many of the problems I had could have been resolved by getting the proper nutrients.
I wish I had a friend who had been through all of this to gently guide me, and tell me some tricks of the trade.
Although I wish that I didn’t have to go through these hardships, I have learned so much because of them. My struggles have inspired me to help other moms who are pregnant and postpartum to nourish themselves nutritionally, physically, and emotionally. I have learned that moms need to support one another, because motherhood is a joy and a struggle that can only truly be appreciated and understood by other moms.
Are you pregnant or know someone who is pregnant and may need some postpartum guidance?
Check out my Postpartum Recovery & Renewal Program I created this program to help women through the first couple of months of this period and I share all my tips and tricks to help them get through it as smoothly as possible. If you are not pregnant, consider giving this as a gift to a pregnant woman in your life.
What were your experiences during this time? Please share them, or any questions that you may have in the comment section below.
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